I’ll Say I’m “Nicety”

I found myself in several situations this week in which I really wanted to tell several people off  and for the people I have known for a while, I wanted to “tell them about themselves.” This phrase usually means a bad thing, and these people I am referring to could have taken it negatively, but I considered doing it for the betterment of themselves and well, for me. You see, I have a problem with being more frank with people…THE RIGHT WAY.  By THE RIGHT WAY I mean, I can’t constructively argue/criticize with someone. It either comes off as too nasty or too nice….there is no middle ground. I am so afraid of being labeled a “bitch” or nasty, therefore, I remain nice for the sake of keeping peace. There have been so many times when I wanted to say “let me tell YO A** something” to the co-worker, the hairstylist, the bill people, family member or  an associate on several occasions. I say “yes”  when sometimes I need to flat-out say “no.” I say “this is nice” when I really want to say “nah, I’m not feeling it, do it again.” I say, “that’s cool” when I should be saying, “I don’t agree with what you’re doing.” Oh, and my favorite conversation fillers, “lol” “smh” “ok”  and “wow” when I feel like saying, “alright, I don’t feel like discussing this, ttyl.”

When I think of a “pushover” I think of someone who allows other people to make them or  influence them to do things they don’t want to do. I think of meek, fragile, weak individuals and I am certainly none of those. I do have my limits and in the words of Bone Crusher, “I ain’t never scared,” (see photo)but I do need to find that middle ground. As a result of not finding this middle ground, situations have been lingering over my head with several individuals that need to cleared up- but I can’t seem to find the RIGHT WAY to say what I really want to say. I have been in this position due to circumstances such as fear of being labeled, “the angry black woman,” “the friend who thinks she’s someone mother,” “the know it all” or as I mentioned before the “bitch.” Also, in terms of dealing with family, you never want to come of as disrespectful, but there are sometimes when a family member needs to be checked too because they too can do  and say things that are flat-out wrong. *Let the congregation say AMEN!*

While this is a personal issue I am trying to overcome, I wanted to discuss this today because I am sure someone who is reading this who are in their 20s, whether you are a woman or a man, have dealt with this issue or will at some point in your young adulthood. That is, being honest and open with people and speaking your mind. Especially in the case when you’re dealing with an older individual. That feeling of, “should I be checking him/her?” comes over you, when you know (pause)…..that it is the right thing to do. I suppose this is one of my (and our) many hurdles in the quest to complete maturation, but I am finding it hard to get over the middle ground part. I PERSONALLY need to find a true balance between being too nasty and being too nice (because “too nice” is winning), for the sake of my adulthood and my sanity. I may not get there with you, but someday I will. Until then I’ll remain “Nicety.”


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Mr.Black&White
    Feb 16, 2011 @ 15:00:33

    I feel you ! Cause I having to deal with that on the regular , but i found it helpful to just “come off” when I really know they wrong or putting me in a real uncomfortable situation. It’s my way of setting boundaries other wise people will just try to push it a little forther everytime . And even a really nice “come off” works (for the sake of keeping ture to you “nices” ways)! Like “hmmmm yeah I don’t think that a good idea” instead of “Bitch, are you stupid ?” 🙂


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