Why The Hush Surrounding Sex????

I had my reservations today about discussing SEX on CT for a while, hence the topic of this post. I was afraid of how the post and how I as the author would be perceived. You see, SEX is such a taboo topic to talk about with anyone. As a child, my mother never had that “official,” the birds and the bees talk with me, she instead placed an “All about Puberty” type pamphlet on my bed in hopes I would read it and ultimately get the message, (DON’T HAVE SEX). While I appreciated her sparing me the 10-minute awkward conversation, little did she know that she would be laying the groundwork for what has always been in the back of my mind and would finally get asked on a public blog:

What’s so wrong with discussing SEX?

Sure, discussing SEX may feel uncomfortable for some people due to their lack of experience, in fact, some can’t even muster up the strength to say the word, but that shouldn’t be an excuse to avoid the topic altogether, right? In comparison to other countries such as France, Sweden, or Italy, America has more conservative views on SEX. As Americans, we’re taught to suppress our thoughts, desires and even questions on the topic. Ironically, we’re in a country that will wait until midnight to show a movie with a sex scene-with no nudity, but will air Scarface at 4p.m. on cable networks. As adults, shouldn’t we be of the age where we should be able to discuss SEX in some way, whether we are experienced or not? I am not in any way a Dr. Sue, but I do believe that the experiences that I’ve had makes me a participant in SEX discourse. For parents, isn’t it their responsibility to be able to effectively discuss SEX with their child? This way it will prevent a child from getting misinformation from another source. So, what has made one feel this uncomfortable to discuss this subject you ask? Things that come to mind to me are: religion, social stigmas, family upbringing, etc.,etc.  Of course, religion and sexuality are like oil and water; it seems that being a pious person with a sex life is absurd and there’s this belief that religious people have SEX only to procreate-and not because it’s pleasurable. You know Pastor Johnson gettin’ his freak on with the First Lady….and probably with Sister Marjorie too, (middle row, 4th pew). Or maybe being uncomfortable may come about due to social stigmas, the fear of being labeled a “freak,” a “whore,” or “fast” and to add to social stigmas, for blacks, the notion that we are innately licentious is a reason why some of us prefer to avoid the SEX topic altogether. In the case of families, there are parents who have raised their children to have strong morals and high standards, and in this case, especially in the case of women, to openly talk about SEX is something that is not considered “lady-like.”

That is why the Sex in the City series was such a big hit with female audiences, because characters like Samantha was uninhibited with her thoughts about SEX. Yes, the show centered around the sex lives of four white women, but the show in general forced female viewers of all races to view SEX not as a hush-hush act, but something that should be embraced and celebrated.

I haven’t forgotten about the men. Of course, men have it easier when it comes to chatting about SEX, it’s like their favorite pastime. They freely discuss it with their friends, family members and even co-workers.  But what are the chances of these same men coming home to have a conversation with their wife or girlfriend about SEX??? If you really think about it, for a couple, discussing SEX is not a bad idea and no, I am not talking about during sex. You may be able to discover each other’s likes and dislikes, fantasies, etc., and you may get turned on in the process, HEY, you never know.

So what do you guys and gals think? Why is it so hard to for us to talk about SEX????

P.S.-In case you’re wondering, SEX was in caps for a reason. I wanted to release the suppression. Try it.

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. TeasTer
    Mar 16, 2011 @ 14:29:49

    Girrlll…you bettah P-R-E-A-C-H!!! I may be a little forward in this view, but I think that if we focused on not making it such a hush hush topic, it wouldn’t be so controversial. Think about it. If we treated sex as it is…something completely normal that ALL animals engage in, then we wouldn’t find ourselves sensationalizing or glamorizing things such as teen pregnancy with shows like Teen Mom. It is known that the urge to mate is natural amongst living beings. Suppressing that urge hasn’t proven to be particularly beneficial…so what is the point?? I would even argue that suppression has had the opposite effect. Because we view sex as something deviant that should only be done in order to make babies, it adds to the dangerous allure of the act. Our teenagers are having sex and hiding it because we refuse to discuss it with them–which can lead to hiding pregnancies–and even at times hiding babies–in bathrooms and trashcans. Personally, I agree with the idea that instead of making it a taboo topic, we should discuss it freely. Lets teach our kids the importance of safe sex. Yes, it is important for them to know that the best way to prevent stds and unwanted pregnancies is abstinence. And no, we don’t want to encourage them to do it, but we do want them to be safe and healthy. Yall need to stop acting like yall dont have sex and just be real. (and I say “yall” cuz TeasTer don’t do dat…I’m pious mah’self…I mean…#imjustsaying)


  2. sexyblackgemini
    Mar 16, 2011 @ 18:04:18

    I think that most people don’t openly discuss sex because they’re afraid of what society will say about them. Being open & honest about sex is a good thing. More people should feel free to discuss the sex topic. Now, by no means am I saying be all out in public talking about blow jobs and lube & such. However, I don’t think its such a bad idea for mature adults to openly discuss sex and what they want from their mate or sexual partners. For me personally, I have no problem with talking about sex. I’m not a prude, but I am by no means some type of freak. So, by saying all this I conclude that if more people open up & discuss this topic (parents, teachers, relatives etc..) There would be less couples/marriages breaking up over non sexual communication, less need for shows on pre teen pregnancies and watnot. So my suggestion is MORE SEX TALK & less giving a damn what society may say or think of you. Be your own person!! Thank you..that is all! Lol


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