**GUEST POST:**Why Do Women Give Up Their Dreams For Successful Men?

Today’s guest post comes from Samantha from Richmond, Virginia.  If you’re interested in guest writing for CT, send all entries to coffytalk@gmail.com. Entries should be one page or less.

The other day I saw a photo of Ludacris and his girlfriend on a blog.  The caption read “Rapper, Ludacris, and his girlfriend, Eudoxie, former med school student.”  It kind of struck me that that’s the third or fourth time that I have seen her titled that way: “Luda’s girlfriend, former med student.” I kept wondering, Why is she a ‘former’ med school student (FMSS)? I say, let’s just call it what a spade a spade; she got title #2 , FMSS, to continue being title #1, Ludacris’ girlfriend.  And since no one asked me what I think, I will gladly give my opinion on it: that’s just disgusting!  She’s not even a wife or even a fiancé; she’s just some famous dude’s gf/FMSS.  This woman worked hard in school her entire life, at least 16 years, and then she just drops out of medical school for a guy, a very rich, famous guy, but nonetheless some guy. What a cliché?!

I always wonder if these “former” women planned this all along.  I remember a girl in high school telling me she always knew she would be a stay at home mom, (SAHM)—please note, I went to a private high school, generally attended by the Governor’s children and costs $17K per year.  I asked her, “If that’s the case then why go to college and waste even more of your parents’ money?”  She felt college was a good place to meet men and with a college education she would be able to better help her future children with their homework or serve on the board of some organization.  The sad thing was five or six other girls said they had the same exact plans for themselves.  **Shrug** This still sounded like a waste of money to me then, and it still does now.  

I wonder if Luda’s gf, FMSS, was one of these girls…16 years of hard work, just to give it up when you meet the guy, who seems to fit your bill, spends enough money on you, or at least puts it down like you imagine your Mr. Him would.  Would she really have gone that far with her education and more importantly, wasted all of that money if that’s all she planned for herself all along? What if she never met anyone and actually had to—gasp—work for a living and start her grueling residency because she hadn’t met her sexually satisfying, famous and generous financier yet.

For the ones who actually are those girls, the “former…”, there should be a major in college just for them: future SAHM.  It would be interdisciplinary, so they could be well-rounded individuals.   It should include classes like cooking, finding your own hobby, how to throw the best dinner parties, or most importantly how to get that man to put a ring on it.  They should also be rewarded, not penalized if they leave school early because they get pregnant and/or engaged.  Personally, I think it’s good to just put it out there what your real goals are from the beginning.

Just to be clear, being a SAHM is an amazing thing to do, if that is what you really want for yourself.  I still think there is a difference between people who are SAHMs and people who pretend to want all of these professional goals for themselves until they actually meet Mr. Him.  My own sister is a transitioning SAHM, current wife, current A student, and soon to be nurse.  She’s a transitioning former SAHM, because she thought putting in her own hard work and pursuing her own dreams would a better example for her children.  On that same note, I can’t help but wonder what those “former…” women can tell their own kids if they want drop out of school to follow a lover around the world or join the three-legged circus or whatever. Plus, it is always good to have your own life outside of your relationship with a man.  One of my best friend’s told me one reason she wouldn’t get married right now is because she wants both she and her man to be well established before moving to that level.  Both my sister and my friend are lucky to be with men who support them and want them to pursue their own goals, while building lives together.  Those guys are out there. That’s why Neyo and Jamie Foxx had those hit song’s, “Ms. Independent” and “Cause She Got Her Own.”

One radio contest recently was looking for RVA’s biggest Power Couple. Now that is a caption that I want! RVAs biggest Power Couple. Personally, I prefer the Jay-Z and Beyonce marriage model: they both have really big egos and they walk together like that because they both can back it up. So for me, I will keep my Anthropology degree. Because my caption, with whomever my Mr. Him will be, will always read, “Very attractive, intelligent man who runs shit and, of course, puts it down in bed, and me, the even more beautiful, intelligent head bitch that you know is running shit too!”

So where are the guys who like these FMSS type of women? What are they like?  When they are in college should they major in finance and minor in breadwinner?  That way their captions will always have them as the headliner and the one making the moves, like Ludacris always reads in his.  Obviously, he is one of those guys that likes the women, who regardless of how intelligent they are could have just majored in SAHM and saved money.  Is that why celebrities say they want to date “normal” women? So they can do pursue their own dreams, while someone else follows them around.  So I have to wonder do these guys even respect these women, the “former…” women?   Seriously though, do they see them as equals? Or are these women just additions to their own lengthy caption?

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Jim
    Mar 21, 2011 @ 21:33:20

    Great Observation. I think many guys want an independent woman, especially in today’s society where you need 2 income’s to support a family. But in the case of the filthy rich like Basketball players or rappers like Ludacris, they tend to be extreme examples where often they have everyone from family to friends leeching off them and don’t expect “their woman” to work. As for her dropping out of med school while only his g/f and its not a sure thing, it seems unwise to say the least, but would he not be with her otherwise? IE if she stayed to become a MSG (Med School Graduate) as opposed to an FMSS. If not then I may not be one to judge, but I can’t agree with that. Say I am in a position to judge and its my daughter, then she better finish med school or I’d teach Luda how to really spell ludicrous (the sad thing is I didnt have to think how to spell it back in elementary, now I can barely remember).

    Its funny though how the media and the wealth of the famous tends to skew things. You look at shows like desperate housewives, basketball wives, the game etc. and generally see housewives both real and fictional, who become role models. Despite a higher percentage of college graduates, and now equal pay, societal values still have many women both in school and out with this as their goal. But just like there are a million guys with hoop dreams and the nba can only take so many, there are only so many men who make enough to support their own families alone, and many don’t plan on getting married. Many women who think they can get by on their good looks etc. will soon learn, if they havent already, they will have to be Ms Independent too, to make it out here, or at least plan on working long after getting married, into retirement. Whether as a businesswoman or a housewife who takes care of an exhaustive amount of chores, kids, etc. I don’t know. But the life often touted in the media of the non-working woman who spends her days shopping and gossiping is not realistic for 99.9% of women.

    In some ways its human nature to want to relax, and if it were marketed as a viable option for any demographic I assume you would have a disproportionate amount of said demographic who make it their target. Even when circumstances make it illogical, ex. Pursuing a bachelors or master’s in school, paying thousands of dollars on something that one intends to go unused even as a resume booster. If its really looked at as an epidemic though, short of writing the media and organizing seminars to go from school to school spreading the implausibility of it all the same way drug and STD awareness was spread for the previous generation, it will be a hard one to combat.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: