CoffyTalk Poll: Thoughts on Film, “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man”

It was recently announced that a film adaptation of Steve Harvey’s mega successful book,  Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man is in the works. With the likes of Chris Brown, Taraji Henson, Gabrielle Union, and Kevin Hart, it is sure to be a star studded presentation. It seems, that with both criticism and praise of the self-help book, folks are on the fence about whether or not this is an endeavor worthy of our patronage.  Here at CoffyTalk, we’ve already discussed the dilemma of supporting African American representations in film, even if they don’t show us in the best light. And while we don’t know for sure which route this movie will choose to go,  we can only hope that  the writers will do both Harvey, and the black community justice. (We all know what happens when they don’t). Now, we want to hear from you. Are you excited to see Steve Harvey’s book on the big screen??


Thank God I Dodged A Bullet

FYI, no, I wasn’t in a recent shoot-out. While watching the new video to Beyonce’s, ‘Best Thing I Never Had’ track, aside from her Ebony Fashion Fair-esque walk at the end and her flawless skin, a few lines from the song stood out to me:

“Thank God you blew it, Thank God I dodged a bullet, I’m so over you, so baby good looking out.”

I could relate, I’m sure others can relate to Bey on this too. Dating someone who is not pulling their own weight in the relationship or not practicing Teddy P’s 50/50 love formula is never good. I have had my experiences in relationships, in which I had been dating someone for a while and throwing a blind eye to the red-flags or their lack of participation in the relationship. In cases such as this, because you love them or think you “love them,” you allow yourself to put those red flags to the side. Not to mention if you think this person is “the one” while they are not proving themselves to be that indeed “special one.” You will set yourself up for a lot of disappointment and wasted time.

'Let It Go, Let It Go, Let It Go, Let It Gooooo'

However, there comes a point, usually that final straw, when everything becomes clear and the realization hits you. You start saying to yourself, “I can do better,” or “I don’t deserve this.” The power and liberation that comes along with letting someone go who’s expiration was long overdue is tremendous. Yet, I don’t want to completely bash “the exes,” because some of the people who turn out not to be “the one” do have some purpose in our lives. The teach us valuable lessons and in the process, we learn what we like and what we don’t like when it comes to picking mates in the future. So with that being said, they aren’t completely made up of douchebag material, just not for us. Furthermore, it’s not until we meet someone better or see that “something old” in person or via social networking, that we indeed think to ourselves, “What the hell was I thinking??!?!” “Damn I’m so off that,” “Thank God they blew it and THANK GOD I dodged that bullet.”

 Can anyone co-sign????

Practice What You Preach


“You say there’s a lesson that you wanna teach, well here I am baby, practice what you preach”

I hope you read that lyric with Barry White’s baritone’s voice playing in your head. Today’s topic is universal; all over the board. It can be applied to relationships, religion, friendships, marriages, finances, etc., etc., you name it, it can be applied anywhere, even to what Barry was referencing…sex. I once was at a place in my life (last month) where I needed advice on pretty much everything. I wanted to get opinions and feedback from others to ensure that I was making the proper decisions. While most of the advice was good, I found it problematic that the advice that I was given was not being practiced by the same people who had done the “preaching” and honestly, I have found myself as well on the not practicing what you preaching end.  Generally speaking, it is always easier to give advice than actually follow the advice you give. That is because you are the outside person looking in on the situation, so you can give advice without any biases. Yet, once you find yourself smack dab in a similar situation, you forget about all that Dr. Philing you had been doing.  You begin to make adjustments here and there and give exceptions to the rules. You forget that you dated a level 10 chick on the fugly scale, but you clowning your boy on the women he dates. You take to Twitter and Facebook to drop Think Exist quotes knowledge on your statuses/tweets, yet you don’t take the message of those quotes you post and apply it to your own life. Or you talk about starting anew, yet you stage an offering to get real offerings..**side-eye**

What’s worse is once you realize this person is great at giving advice, but just not great at following it, you begin to question their advice, feedback, words, etc., from that point onward. You listen, but you take it with a grain of salt and in the worse case, you become a cynic.  You become that cynic because this is a person that you probably have trusted, believed and revered. You looked to this person for advice, yet if they say one thing and do the opposite, it’s hypocritical and we all know that hypocrisy is never respected. I close this post by saying that some advice is good, but your own thoughts should never be put on the back burner for someone else’s- unless you intend on jumping off a bridge. Only you know what’s completely best for you and your life, “ya dig?” If you have found yourself in a place where someone loved to give you advice, but wasn’t following their own advice, what do you do? How do you handle these folks?

In Relationships, Sometimes the Unconventional Works..

Last night while visiting one of my favorite blogs, I read a post of Jay-Z recording Beyoncé rehearsing before she hit the American Idol stage. Ironically, she was rehearsing for her first performance of her new single 1+1, which happens to be a love ballad (FINALLY!). While I watched the performance, I couldn’t help but to think of Jay-Z and Beyoncé ‘s relationship over the years. In the world of Hollywood, where marriages occur after only six months of dating, Jay and Bey definitely took the unconventional route and dated for years before eventually marrying, and so far, it seems to be working, for them.

From the some of the earlier pics we have seen of the couple posted on gossip sites, their body language would suggest they weren’t even in love, or even knew each other! Amidst their courtship, people questioned why they wouldn’t admit they were together, why they wouldn’t talk about their relationship in public, and when they were going to marry. Now betrothed, the new question is, “when is Beyoncé going to start popping out kids?!?”

The fact of the matter is, Jay-Z and Beyoncé are doing what works for them and could serve as a model for couples in terms of setting your own relationship’s “terms and conditions.” In reality, there is no relationship blueprint; no one formula that works for everyone and I think the unconventional does work in relationships. With the divorce rate is at an all-time high, following your own standard is ideal, but being on the same page is key. Meaning, if you know you aren’t marriage material, then having a long-term relationship with someone who wants to get married isn’t smart. While it is snubbed by mainstream society, if an open marriage works for you and yours, then do your thing. Relationship gurus, movies, TV, magazines, and even our family, friends and religion are to blame for how we dictate what goes on in our relationships. Now, there are some things that will never get a pass, like relationship abuse or having an affair and knocking up the family’s maid (side-eye), but at the end of the day, in order to be happy, you must follow the beat to your own drum.

Signing off,

The Queen

After The Love Is Gone: Bad Break-Up Behavior

Rapper Joe Budden and his ex-girlfriend, video vixen Esther Baxter, recently made the news over a twitter beef. I don’t feel like divulging into what caused the beef, but feel free to read it here. The point of me mentioning the former pair is the twitter beef itself. Joe Budden decided to air his dirty laundry out on Twitter about their relationship, releasing the above photo which is the cover of his new single…..sigh. Between the two, everything from cheating with a NFL baller, losing four babies, can’t turn a “hoe” into a housewife rant, abuse, etc., etc., was discussed on the social-networking site and even the popular radio show, The Breakfast Club. And if you don’t already know, this isn’t the first time Joe Budden has done something along these lines, remember his ex-boo, Tahiry? Yeah, I didn’t think you would, but they too had a similar falling out.

This whole fiasco has me wondering about relationships and the level of maturity one should have after breakups. Joe Budden represents to me the quintessential bitter ex-lover. Remember, this occurred AFTER they had broken-up. Since when is putting your relationship business out there cool? Seems very childish to me. Even after the break-up has occurred, whatever that was done while in the relationship should be left in the past along with the relationship. So you find out that he/she cheated on you while together? Or the ex done got a new boo piece. Ok, you’re no longer with them, so move on. What gratification does one get by putting their ex on blast? Or slashing car tires and all those other Fatal Attraction-esque behavior patterns? Is this a sign that they have not moved on or for the Fatal Attraction folks, just plain ole crazy?  That they are still salty about the breakup? Are phrases like, “you can have my sloppy seconds,” necessary? Budden’s “single” (side-eye), “Ordinary Love Shit” makes me wonder….was she ordinary when you kept a twit-pic of her in your timeline? As far as Esther, who alludes to a miscarriage due to his abuse, I’m curious if she continued to be in the relationship after this occurred? SMH

CT Readers, have you ever witnessed or gone through your own case of relationship immaturity/bad behavior after a breakup? Let’s hear it!

The Royal Couple

It’s time to take our talents international CT readers, there is a royal wedding in the next couple weeks! In case you have been living under a rock these past couple months, Prince William will be marrying his longtime girlfriend Kate Middleton. A little fact about TLC: I absolutely love everything British! When I heard about this I was absolutely excited! I have taken notice of the kind of men Prince William and Harry have matured into since the death of their mother Princess Diana in the 90s.

As you can see Kate is wearing a pretty stunning engagement ring. That ring was actually Princess Diana’s; William wanted his mother to be apart of this joyous occasion in his life.

You can’t help but to reference Princess Diana in this situation. Kate Middleton, just like Princess Diana is considered in England a commoner, meaning she has no royal affiliation to the crown. The fact that before the engagement, her background wasn’t really revealed; now everything she does will be under scrutiny. The clothes she wears, the events she attends, and the company she keeps will now be closely watched. Hopefully Kate won’t have to endure the hardships Princess Diana had to in order to live the kind of life she wanted to and not what was expected of her because of the man she married.

I just love seeing love. These two have been dating for some time now and I always think it’s a good thing to make sure you get to know a person before you truly make that big leap into marriage.

Oh, and if anyone can get me Harry’s digits I’d appreciate it.

Gender Hierarchy: Men First, Women Second..

One issue I have always wavered about is the dynamics of the roles between men and women. Please excuse me now if this turns into a rant but I can’t believe it’s took me this long to actually bring this topic up on CT. Relationship talk gives me headaches so you have to know that if I’m talking about it then I feel strongly about it LOL. I have a major complex with men being the “head” of a family/relationship only because of the way it affects the communication area which leads to other things. In no way am I about to go on a feminist rant because honestly I would love to hear how men feel about this topic; so I’ll give my opinion first.

I believe that the man should be the stronghold of the family; essentially making sure that a level of standard is maintained within the household. I absolutely have no issue with this. My problem comes around when decisions aren’t made together between a man and woman because he feels as though as the man, it is his right and duty to make the decision without informing his partner.

Example: In one of the real housewives of (insert whatever city it is), the husband got in a little too over his head with expenses and therefore his home went into foreclosure. The wife had no idea the family was in this much financial trouble until the actual foreclosure notice came in the mail. Because of this mistrust, it cost them their marriage if I’m not mistaken. He wanted to protect his family so his intentions were good, but because he felt that he was the “man” and therefore held all the responsibility, he made all the decisions without informing his wife that led to bankruptcy.

Nowadays men feel as though they have to hold so much responsibility in a family to the point where the decisions they make often aren’t what’s best for the family in general; but what sounds good in their head at the moment. What’s wrong with being equal? If you’re not alone in a situation and the decisions you do make affect not just you, why wouldn’t you want to consult your supposed better half?

Don’t get me wrong. I want my man to be a MAN. Therefore, if there is something you feel strongly about, just run it past a sista so I won’t be feeling stupid or deceived if something goes wrong. I’ll trust your judgement if it doesn’t sound completely ridiculous; and honestly when we make big decisions it’s always good to have a second opinion.

I think gender hierarchy is one of the leading communication issues between men and women. We as two different genders feel entitled and are almost conditioned by society to act a certain way; and when we don’t hold up that standard we become seen as less than our perspective gender or different in a way the other gender wouldn’t want to be bothered with.

My apologies if I am a bit all over the place; it’s only because the situation is difficult in itself.

I could get deeper into this but the headache is coming on…

How do we find that balance?

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