Practice What You Preach

 

“You say there’s a lesson that you wanna teach, well here I am baby, practice what you preach”

I hope you read that lyric with Barry White’s baritone’s voice playing in your head. Today’s topic is universal; all over the board. It can be applied to relationships, religion, friendships, marriages, finances, etc., etc., you name it, it can be applied anywhere, even to what Barry was referencing…sex. I once was at a place in my life (last month) where I needed advice on pretty much everything. I wanted to get opinions and feedback from others to ensure that I was making the proper decisions. While most of the advice was good, I found it problematic that the advice that I was given was not being practiced by the same people who had done the “preaching” and honestly, I have found myself as well on the not practicing what you preaching end.  Generally speaking, it is always easier to give advice than actually follow the advice you give. That is because you are the outside person looking in on the situation, so you can give advice without any biases. Yet, once you find yourself smack dab in a similar situation, you forget about all that Dr. Philing you had been doing.  You begin to make adjustments here and there and give exceptions to the rules. You forget that you dated a level 10 chick on the fugly scale, but you clowning your boy on the women he dates. You take to Twitter and Facebook to drop Think Exist quotes knowledge on your statuses/tweets, yet you don’t take the message of those quotes you post and apply it to your own life. Or you talk about starting anew, yet you stage an offering to get real offerings..**side-eye**

What’s worse is once you realize this person is great at giving advice, but just not great at following it, you begin to question their advice, feedback, words, etc., from that point onward. You listen, but you take it with a grain of salt and in the worse case, you become a cynic.  You become that cynic because this is a person that you probably have trusted, believed and revered. You looked to this person for advice, yet if they say one thing and do the opposite, it’s hypocritical and we all know that hypocrisy is never respected. I close this post by saying that some advice is good, but your own thoughts should never be put on the back burner for someone else’s- unless you intend on jumping off a bridge. Only you know what’s completely best for you and your life, “ya dig?” If you have found yourself in a place where someone loved to give you advice, but wasn’t following their own advice, what do you do? How do you handle these folks?

Why The Hush Surrounding Sex????

I had my reservations today about discussing SEX on CT for a while, hence the topic of this post. I was afraid of how the post and how I as the author would be perceived. You see, SEX is such a taboo topic to talk about with anyone. As a child, my mother never had that “official,” the birds and the bees talk with me, she instead placed an “All about Puberty” type pamphlet on my bed in hopes I would read it and ultimately get the message, (DON’T HAVE SEX). While I appreciated her sparing me the 10-minute awkward conversation, little did she know that she would be laying the groundwork for what has always been in the back of my mind and would finally get asked on a public blog:

What’s so wrong with discussing SEX?

Sure, discussing SEX may feel uncomfortable for some people due to their lack of experience, in fact, some can’t even muster up the strength to say the word, but that shouldn’t be an excuse to avoid the topic altogether, right? In comparison to other countries such as France, Sweden, or Italy, America has more conservative views on SEX. As Americans, we’re taught to suppress our thoughts, desires and even questions on the topic. Ironically, we’re in a country that will wait until midnight to show a movie with a sex scene-with no nudity, but will air Scarface at 4p.m. on cable networks. As adults, shouldn’t we be of the age where we should be able to discuss SEX in some way, whether we are experienced or not? I am not in any way a Dr. Sue, but I do believe that the experiences that I’ve had makes me a participant in SEX discourse. For parents, isn’t it their responsibility to be able to effectively discuss SEX with their child? This way it will prevent a child from getting misinformation from another source. So, what has made one feel this uncomfortable to discuss this subject you ask? Things that come to mind to me are: religion, social stigmas, family upbringing, etc.,etc.  Of course, religion and sexuality are like oil and water; it seems that being a pious person with a sex life is absurd and there’s this belief that religious people have SEX only to procreate-and not because it’s pleasurable. You know Pastor Johnson gettin’ his freak on with the First Lady….and probably with Sister Marjorie too, (middle row, 4th pew). Or maybe being uncomfortable may come about due to social stigmas, the fear of being labeled a “freak,” a “whore,” or “fast” and to add to social stigmas, for blacks, the notion that we are innately licentious is a reason why some of us prefer to avoid the SEX topic altogether. In the case of families, there are parents who have raised their children to have strong morals and high standards, and in this case, especially in the case of women, to openly talk about SEX is something that is not considered “lady-like.”

That is why the Sex in the City series was such a big hit with female audiences, because characters like Samantha was uninhibited with her thoughts about SEX. Yes, the show centered around the sex lives of four white women, but the show in general forced female viewers of all races to view SEX not as a hush-hush act, but something that should be embraced and celebrated.

I haven’t forgotten about the men. Of course, men have it easier when it comes to chatting about SEX, it’s like their favorite pastime. They freely discuss it with their friends, family members and even co-workers.  But what are the chances of these same men coming home to have a conversation with their wife or girlfriend about SEX??? If you really think about it, for a couple, discussing SEX is not a bad idea and no, I am not talking about during sex. You may be able to discover each other’s likes and dislikes, fantasies, etc., and you may get turned on in the process, HEY, you never know.

So what do you guys and gals think? Why is it so hard to for us to talk about SEX????

P.S.-In case you’re wondering, SEX was in caps for a reason. I wanted to release the suppression. Try it.

Marriage: Is Anything Sacred Anymore?? Part 1

After having a very lively conversation on Twitter about marriage, I decided to write a post about it, broken up into two parts: first part is about the two different kinds of marriage I see and part 2 will be why wouldn’t you want to get married.

We live in a country where you have the right to live just about any way you want. Recently, it has been noted that most people just aren’t getting married anymore, and the divorce rate is as high as its ever been in the past years…so where does that leave us? What does marriage really mean to us? Some say they never want to be married, and there’s nothing wrong wit it; while some still desire to have the fairytale ending. I’ve come to the conclusion that marriage can be interpreted into two categories; institutionalized or religious.

Institutionally, marriage is a form of joint agreement between two people on paper. This paper says that these two people are partners acknowledged by the state or wherever they live. This person has to be filed on your taxes, anything that asks for your status, you say married, and any type of thing pertaining to the law you are now marked as being together with a certain individual. Sounds restraining doesn’t it? Sounds cold? Well this is how I feel some people view marriage, they do it because that’s what you are suppose to do when you’ve been with someone for a really long time and you’re ready to take the next step. The fact that people are so easily getting divorced is because the relationship may not mean as much to them as it should. If you’ve been with a person this amount of time, then you should probably get married…probably? are you sure about that one? You can love someone but not want to share your life with them; and that’s where the difficulties began to arise within a marriage. Some people have no problem getting a divorce because it’s just like canceling cable..you get over it. I’m not saying that an institutionalized marriage has no love in it, there are plenty of couples who just don’t want to deal with the hassles of the ceremony; or their religious beliefs may be different. Some people just take marriage as about as serious as riding a bike; when you finally learn how to ride it’s the greatest feeling in the world, at the same time you can get off and on any time you want to.

Marriage in the religious aspect is a ceremony where a couple presents their relationship to God saying this is the person that you have sent for me to spend my life with. This is the person I want to wake up every morning to, this is the person that I will love through sickness and in heath, till death do us part, and all the other things that they say that I don’t know. We all aren’t perfect, and sometimes we make mistakes with the people we marry, but if you do decide to marry this person then you owe it not only to yourself but to God to make it work. If it means compromising then that something you need to learn to do in order to work with your other half. People just give up to easily and forget why they got married in the first place. Sex in the religious world is not viewed as just a pleasurable act between two people; is a form of worship to God. Therefore sex with an individual that is not your spouse, sin; sex with your husband/wife you’re worshiping to God with the gift that he has given you just to be yours. To get off being so technical, it all comes down to the amount of love you have for this person. You should see God within your spouse, mostly because the love that you get from your spouse should be the most fulfilling love you’ve ever experienced.

So what about the people who just don’t see the point in marriage…thats part 2 folks..

They’ve Been Rapping It Up Since The B.C’s: The History of Condoms

How many of us really know where condoms came from? Those amazing little things that have saved thousands from becoming unprepared parents and getting STDs have a history of their own. I thought it would be pretty cool to enlighten the masses about how far condoms predate us, and how far they have come since their beginning. All of these dates are given to us courtesy of Durex, one of the leading producers of condoms worldwide.

1220 B.C.- Ancient Egypt

Condoms use can be traced back to Ancients Egypt and from that time the condom has protected man from disease and infection. (It’s interesting that they figured it out so far back in the past…amazing how some things haven’t changed!)

100 A.D. -Condom Use in Europe

The earliest evidence of condom use in Europe are scenes from cave painting at Combarelles in France.

1500- Gabrielle Fallopius

In the 1500s Gabrielle Fallopius advocated the use of linen sheaths to protect against syphilis. Other popular materials over the years have included tortoiseshell and leather, favoured by the ancient Japenese, oiled paper, fish bladders and animal gut.

1600

There are two possible explanations for how the condom got its name. It may be derived from Condus, the Latin for receptacle. Or it may get its name from the physician of Charles II of England, Dr. Condom or Quondam, who made his king sheaths of animal gut.

1700 -The English Connection

The English connection may explain the name legendary lover Casanova gave to his sheath. He would never mount without his ‘redingote anglaise’, his English riding coat.

1843 -Revolutionary Rubber

The revolutionary rubber vulcanization process invented by Goodyear and Hancock, made it possible to mass produce more reliable and less expensive products including condoms. Vulcanization is the method or process of treating crude rubber with sulphur and subjecting it to intense heat. This process turns the rubber into a strong elastic material.

1930 -Liquid Latex

Liquid latex manufacturing supersedes crepe rubber. It is still the basis for manufacture today.

1990s

New technology has considerably improved the condom and enabled the production of far more sophisticated versions than our ancestors were used to. The latest development is DUREX AVANTI made from a unique polyurethane material, DURON, which is twice as strong as latex enabling a thinner, more sensitive film.

2000 -Pleasuremax

Durex launches Pleasuremax- the first condom that combines shape and texture to give maximum stimulation to both partners. They developed a unique odour masker to reduce the smell of latex. They launched the world’s first synthetic polysioprene male condom (Durex Avanti Ultima).

So I will leave you all with this last quote from good ‘ol Surgeon Sage..

Continue to be safe; or just save yourself the trouble and be abstinent all together until you find the right person 🙂

T.L.C.

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