Poll: Is the F* Word Worth $100,000?

By now we’ve all heard about Kobe Bryant’s homophobic outburst and subsequent $100,000 fine. Let’s not delude ourselves: we’ve all said hurtful, mean, or spiteful things out of anger–often times things that we don’t mean. But Bryant’s fine has more to do with proving a point than anything. Derogatory slurs–whether racial, homphobic, or otherwise–are simply unacceptable. And while many agree that he was wrong in his actions, they are some that don’t see the point in punishing him for words simply said in frustration. Here at CT, we want to know where you stand on the issue.

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Why The Hush Surrounding Sex????

I had my reservations today about discussing SEX on CT for a while, hence the topic of this post. I was afraid of how the post and how I as the author would be perceived. You see, SEX is such a taboo topic to talk about with anyone. As a child, my mother never had that “official,” the birds and the bees talk with me, she instead placed an “All about Puberty” type pamphlet on my bed in hopes I would read it and ultimately get the message, (DON’T HAVE SEX). While I appreciated her sparing me the 10-minute awkward conversation, little did she know that she would be laying the groundwork for what has always been in the back of my mind and would finally get asked on a public blog:

What’s so wrong with discussing SEX?

Sure, discussing SEX may feel uncomfortable for some people due to their lack of experience, in fact, some can’t even muster up the strength to say the word, but that shouldn’t be an excuse to avoid the topic altogether, right? In comparison to other countries such as France, Sweden, or Italy, America has more conservative views on SEX. As Americans, we’re taught to suppress our thoughts, desires and even questions on the topic. Ironically, we’re in a country that will wait until midnight to show a movie with a sex scene-with no nudity, but will air Scarface at 4p.m. on cable networks. As adults, shouldn’t we be of the age where we should be able to discuss SEX in some way, whether we are experienced or not? I am not in any way a Dr. Sue, but I do believe that the experiences that I’ve had makes me a participant in SEX discourse. For parents, isn’t it their responsibility to be able to effectively discuss SEX with their child? This way it will prevent a child from getting misinformation from another source. So, what has made one feel this uncomfortable to discuss this subject you ask? Things that come to mind to me are: religion, social stigmas, family upbringing, etc.,etc.  Of course, religion and sexuality are like oil and water; it seems that being a pious person with a sex life is absurd and there’s this belief that religious people have SEX only to procreate-and not because it’s pleasurable. You know Pastor Johnson gettin’ his freak on with the First Lady….and probably with Sister Marjorie too, (middle row, 4th pew). Or maybe being uncomfortable may come about due to social stigmas, the fear of being labeled a “freak,” a “whore,” or “fast” and to add to social stigmas, for blacks, the notion that we are innately licentious is a reason why some of us prefer to avoid the SEX topic altogether. In the case of families, there are parents who have raised their children to have strong morals and high standards, and in this case, especially in the case of women, to openly talk about SEX is something that is not considered “lady-like.”

That is why the Sex in the City series was such a big hit with female audiences, because characters like Samantha was uninhibited with her thoughts about SEX. Yes, the show centered around the sex lives of four white women, but the show in general forced female viewers of all races to view SEX not as a hush-hush act, but something that should be embraced and celebrated.

I haven’t forgotten about the men. Of course, men have it easier when it comes to chatting about SEX, it’s like their favorite pastime. They freely discuss it with their friends, family members and even co-workers.  But what are the chances of these same men coming home to have a conversation with their wife or girlfriend about SEX??? If you really think about it, for a couple, discussing SEX is not a bad idea and no, I am not talking about during sex. You may be able to discover each other’s likes and dislikes, fantasies, etc., and you may get turned on in the process, HEY, you never know.

So what do you guys and gals think? Why is it so hard to for us to talk about SEX????

P.S.-In case you’re wondering, SEX was in caps for a reason. I wanted to release the suppression. Try it.

In The Dating Game: Are Women Taking a Cue From Men?

Jacqueline- Marcus' match

  

When it comes to dating, some men are notorious for their lackadaisical approach to women and relationships. Texts are the choice of communication. Going dutch is the preferred method of payment when going out. AND, some like that openness of a not-so committed relationship. Whatever the case may be, (i.e. honestly not interested in a serious relationship at the moment, afraid of commitment, he’s married, etc.), women of today are taking note. Some women have adopted the, “if you can’t beat them, join them” philosophy.

“If you don’t want to talk via phone, fine, text it is and when you do call, I might just be unavailable.”

“Going dutch?? Not a problem, I have the money.”

 

There seems to be the notion that when a man does not want an exclusive relationship, the woman is the one who is getting the short end of the stick in these situations. Or that we’re making it so much easier for men to date us, but I beg to differ. Women are far more independent and liberated and know what they want these days, and thus, we’re making it easier for ourselves. There are women who don’t see the benefit of an exclusive, committed relationship, and yes, there are instances where she is not promiscuous, or “loose as a goose.”

In addition, with the exception of those women who stay in relationships with men for years, produce children and there’s no promise of commitment in sight, most know when to say, “ok, you’re not bringing anything to the table anymore, time to go”- much like men. Men are quick to dismiss a woman when she’s not offering him anything. Why can’t women think and behave the same way? If a woman is happy, satisfied and safe, what’s wrong with enjoying the freedom of dating someone, but having that option to date other men as she pleases? Men do…..

When it Comes To Living Life-JUST DO YOU!!!

Over the weekend, I had an epiphany, a breakthrough. A few weeks ago, I had a conversation with a friend and we vowed that we would just enjoy life this year. We would take chances, travel more, do things we said we wouldn’t do, etc. Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you that I tend to over-analyze things and if you ask the right person, they will also tell you I care too much about what others think. I tried denying this when a friend or a relative would bring it up, but deep down I knew that they were true. I tended to care too much about the opinions and views of others rather than focus on what I want and what works best for me. This applied to every aspect of my life it seemed: mentally, physically, and even spiritually. I would want to do something, thought it out, get down to executing the plan and would give up, simply because I thought about how it may be perceived. However, this past weekend, I realized that at the end of the day, no one else is living my life, so I must live it to the fullest. Here’s how I plan to make this year worthwhile and hopefully you’ll follow:

  1. Setting up a mini “bucket list”-Now I don’t have any terminal illnesses that I know of that I must accomplish everything within a few months, but listing several things that I would like to do this year and actually doing them is a great idea. Whether its sky diving, rock climbing, or traveling overseas, I’m jotting it down!
  2. Creating a “goal board”- I figured I would finally put my bulletin board to good use after college instead of it collecting dust on the wall. Collect anything that you inspire to be or inspire to do and post them along with encouraging words and quotes for positive reinforcement. Think of this as the visual version of your bucket list.
  3. Cut out the negative– Anyone that always have negative views on everything and always have a pessimistic outlook on life, keep your distance. This also applies to yourself; cut out the “I can’t and I won’t,” and replace them with “I can and I will.” Negativity is an impediment of progression.
  4. Take Risks & Challenge Yourself– I tend to “play it safe” a lot. I’m opting out of that this year. You’ll never know unless you try right? One of my favorite quotes is by Samuel Beckett and it goes, “Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.” Sometimes I tend to view life’s challenges as either win or lose situations, or focus on the end results versus the process it took to get to the end; the trying, the failing and the trying again. I think that it is during this process when we challenge ourselves that we  learn the most valuable lessons.
  5. Just Do You- Forget about what others might think or say. Do what makes you happy! Whether it’s switching up your style, deciding to go natural, going back to school, changing career paths, etc. At the end of the day I see it like this: think 40 years down the road, when you’re old and gray and you’re surrounded by your grandchildren. Don’t you want a great life story to tell them? I sure do…

Tatted Up: A Taboo in Religion and the Workplace?

Tattoos are one of the most expressive forms of individuality. I think it’s fair to say that most of the people in our generation have at least one tattoo, whether it’s in visible sight or not. Most that don’t have tattoos probably would like one. Tattoos in religion and in the workplace are the subjects that can be the big elephant in the room; everyone notices it but no one will ever really say anything about it. Tattoos are labeled a sin within religion and non-professional in the workplace. I’m not going to lie, I am pretty aware of both of these reasons and I still want a tattoo.

Now when I talk about religion on here it will probably only be about Christianity because that is my faith. I can’t speak about the practices of any others. Tattoos are labeled a sin because they deface the temple of God; which is the body He gave us on this earth. “Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you; I am the Lord” (Leviticus 19:28) Now this verse seems to be very confusing with the whole “dead” thing.  At the same time, if we followed this verse then the majority of us would be in sin because we have our ears pierced. I really don’t get it. I think the Bible is something that people tend to take the words so literally. Also, because the Bible has been interpreted so many times, the actual meaning could have been obscured. I do believe that it is saying that tattoos are a sin; but what if that tattoo was a Bible verse? Would that still be defacing the temple of God? Or could that be a way of promoting God’s word?

We all know that tattoos are frowned upon in the office place, especially a very corporate environment. I’m pretty sure that most of those types of people have their tattoos located in places that are covered by their oxford shirts and blazers. If you come in for an interview and you have a tatt on your neck, hands, or fingers, chances are your chance for that job just went out the window. It’s a harsh world but that’s the kinda world we live in. The corporate world has yet to compromise with the changes of our generation…or have they? Most celebrities are tatted to an extreme degree and they are accepted in the corporate world when it’s time to handle business. Is it just because of their fame that they are allowed? Or do they just only allow them to get to a certain level of professionalism? Are they even taken seriously? Even if that is the case, I guess you could say that we are making progress into accepting tattoos but on the other hand I think it will be a verrryyyy long time before we see a Senator or even our next President with visible tattoos.

So would I get a tattoo? Yes. Would I get one visible through professional attire? Probably not.

I wanted my tattoo to be a Bible verse anyways. LOL.

-T.L.C.

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